Two Weeks Later

Some things that may or may not be of interest to you but are of interest to me... In other words, some things that have appeared online in this year of 2014 that concern me. I should title this post THE EGO HAS LANDED but Robbie Williams already used that title and his ego is bigger than mine.

Ann Giardina Magee reviews The Transfiguration of Mister Punch over at BOOZE AND BOOKS and has this to say about my story, This Foolish & Harmful Delight....

Her unique style completely immerses the reader in the terrifying world that she has created where Punch and Judy, as well as all of the other characters, are indeed transfigured. This novella was my favorite of the three....

Pauline Morgan at SF Crowsnest has reviewed Best Fantasy 2013 and here's something of what she had to say about my story, Too Delicate for Human Form...

Cate Gardner’s ‘Too Delicate For Human Form’ is the only recognisable fantasy story but don’t expect swords and elves, just a bit of gentle urban magic.... Although it is an unusual and well-written story it is ultimately unfulfilling and generates more questions than it answers.

Sounds like me. However, here is the review for Simon Bestwick's story Dermot...

‘Dermot’ by Simon Bestwick is a nasty little story but very well-written. It plays on the idea that sometimes the few have to be sacrificed to keep the majority safe... This is the strongest story in anthology and doesn’t pull any punches.

Go, my Bestwick.

And last, but not least (as the saying goes), Paul Kane kindly invited me to be the guest writer over at his website this month and there you will find an extract from my novella, Barbed Wire Hearts.

Hope 2014 is treating you well so far.

I've almost (almost) finished the final draft of my children's novel which remains untitled. Then I'll be burying myself in edits until it's fit to be sent to agents.*

*Agents, you have been warned.

It's All About Me and Biscuits

Some reviews, which have appeared on the net over the past few weeks. I used to be better organised, more on the ball, not so distracted, fa la la la la...

Lois Tilton has reviewed Shimmer 16 over at Locus Online. Here's a snippet of what she had to say about my story, The Binding of Memories:
...a darkly amusing, imaginative bit of absurdity. You can read the rest of the review here.

Sam Tomaino also reviewed the story over at SFRevu Reviews. Here's a snippet:
...This story gets darker and darker until its end and certainly fit the purpose of having “a strange and original idea” and being a very good story, too. You can read the rest of the review here.

Haralambi Mmarkov reviewed the anthology Fish from Dagan Books. here's a snippet of what he had to say about my story, Too Delicate for Human Form:
...In a typical Gardner fashion, an already weird concept with its haunting, mournful beauty descends into madness. You can read the rest of the review here.

Paul Weimer reviewed the anthology over at SF Signal.
..."Too Delicate for Human Form” is a haunting fantasy story of the unexpected legacy of a girl’s aunt and a magical secret with a sharp sting in the tail. You can read the rest of the review here.

And, lastly, but by no way the least, James Everington reviewed my novella, Barbed Wire Hearts over at his blog and amongst the delightful things he had to say... 
...But it's easy enough to describe how damn good they are. And this novella (published by Delirium Books) strikes me as possibly the strongest book of hers I've read – in common with the best novellas, the form allows the plot to be fully satisfying but without any extraneous fat.

As I said in the title... It's All About Me. Apologies for that. Go make yourself a cup of tea and dunk some biscuits in it. Don't like dunking biscuits. Me neither.

Sale Now On

DarkFuse are having a sale which means you can buy the Barbed Wire Hearts hardcover (it's a gorgeous looking book) for just $12.50 (previous price $25).

Half price.

I should probably have added exclamation marks to that last paragraph. Here are some!!! So if you're interested in reading the tale of a boy who loses his heart in a rather unfortunate way, a dead girl whose heart starts beating again and an evil heart-collecting goatish man, then you can pick it up over at DarkFuse.  (It is also available as an ebook).

And it would be remiss of me if I didn't point out that they also have many other excellent books for half price including novels/novellas by Lee Thompson, Gina Ranalli, Michael Louis Calvillo, Greg Gifune, Ronald Malfi, John Skipp and many more. You can find the full list here.

P.S. I forgot to say that it's a signed limited edition book

Three Things

I don't know where to start so I'll start with the thing that left me floored...

Several months ago when I contacted Peter Tennant about reviewing my novella Theatre of Curious Acts he kindly offered to do a double-up review of Theatre and my chapbook Nowhere Hall (which he'd recently read). Obviously, I was stoked. Then when he offered to also review Barbed Wire Hearts well my happy dance needed a ballroom to contain it. Of course (serious voice), reviewers are not guaranteed to like your book (still happy dancing -  all reviews are good reviews if you get me) and reviews are not guaranteed, something could come along and push your book off the review roster (ooh no, my happy dance faltered and then restarted again).

Anyhow, imagine my delight when Pete emailed me a copy of the review that is in the current issue of Black Static and features all three books. I spun so fast around my room I almost broke Jack Skellington. And it's funny I should mention Jack because....

"Cate Gardner doesn't write like anybody else. In a field where individuality is prized and having a unique voice is valued above all else, she is a true original, a writer whose work brings to mind the imagery of Magritte as distorted by the aesthetic of Tim Burton, but with a playfulness and humanity that is all her own..." Peter Tennant, Black Static.

...and then he goes on to say wonderful things about all three books. I should stop spinning in about a week. Until then it may be best to avoid Liverpool. I can't wait for my subscription copy to arrive.

And... heck, what else can she have to say. Well, Damien Walters Grintalis invited me to write a guest blog for Women in Horror month and it went live today. I'd love it if you'd head over there and read it, but you must promise not to try and calculate my age.

And the third thing... I treated myself to a bag of Edinburgh Rock. Seriously, with me spinning from that sugar rush you should probably avoid the entire North West for the month.

Right, back to my WIP and my bemoaning cries of 'I can't write for crap.' Seriously, we writers are weird.

The Travelling Theatrical Tour: From a Single Thing

Day six of the blog tour journeys to Jim McLeod's Ginger Nuts of Horror blog where I talk about prompt words and how we all interpret the world in different ways, thus making our fiction unique (we hope). The post is here: The Travelling Theatrical Tour: From a Single Thing.

Jim's blog is an excellent resource full of author interviews, horror news and reviews. He kindly interviewed me back in November in which he persuaded me to talk about rats, pirate ships, and my first published short story.

And Jim doesn't just interview (and review and share horror news), he allows folk to also probe him. Here's an interview with Jim by various horror writers. And, I believe this interview with Jasper Bark is one of Jim's favourites.

Other stops on the tour:
That November Spell at Ray Cluley's blog
Interview by Simon Kewin
Twitter Rules at Bloody Bookish
Freedom at TTA Press
Inspiration at Deborah Walker's blog

And in some *breaking news* (which is a cheat as the news broke yesterday and it's possibly not news news, but I thought it was superb): Peter Tennant of Black Static magazine has chosen Barbed Wire Hearts as the best novella of 2011. Theatre gets a mention too.

Some Theatrical Belly Flips

You may have witnessed a wee bit of butt-shaking excitement last night when I discovered that Theatre of Curious Acts (the hardback) is available to pre-order on Amazon (just the US site at the moment). Oh my!

The book will be available as a hardback, paperback, and ebook and they'll all be released (fingers crossed, things going to plan etc etc) on December 21st or thereabouts.

And there was more butt shaking this lunchtime when I read Pablo Cheesecake's review over at The Eloquent Page..."From the battlefields of Europe, to the end of the world, this novel is a seamless blend of physical and psychological horror that will leave a distinct impression..." It's a seriously awesome review. Me and my boys can battle anything now - dragons, war, death.


Theatre means so much to me - I love Barbed Wire Hearts and Strange Men but both those books had easy rides to publication (or at least that's how it felt - or rather, a magical ride) whereas poor Theatre often felt like the book that would never be until it landed on Hadley Rille's shores. Have I said how much I love the book. And my boys, especially Daniel & Swan and poor, poor Ken. Ken breaks my heart so don't you dare hate him (okay, you can if you want). Assuming you read their story that is. I hope you do. And if you do, let me know if you love Ken (and if you don't, it's all my fault and not his).

A Week in the Life of a Writer of Weird: The Comeback

Rediscovered how much I love writing and how much I hate eBay. I had a feeling that diverting my attention elsewhere would bring my want to write to the boil. Normal service has resumed. Although, I'd quite like to slip into abnormal service and avoid the glorious distractions of the internet. I'd also like to be able to do that without employing my pal Freedom--not that I've employed him this week. Oops! And wait, who knew Freedom was a man.

Oh for the glory days of my old FontWriter. But, oh man, I would not want to go back to the days of using a typewriter. Actually, I wouldn't really like to go back to no internet and no you guys, and I've made a wealth of new friends this week because….

Putting my email address (competition post) without adding the (at) (dot) business has of course led me to enjoy a wealth of spam. Note to spammers: I'm a writer. Writers don't have any money.

And further news on the contest: To all the Entrants, you are wonderful. Thank you all. And a special extra thank you for buying my little Barbed Wire Hearts and joining in my joy. I have a pretty little hardback book--squee.

I bought myself two glorious handbags this week thanks to a colleague--said through gritted teeth while battling the moths that escaped my purse--who told me about an awesome sale at my favourite store. Is it odd that I bought one of the handbags because it coordinates with my new book? Thought so.

Bring on the handbag spammers.

Thanks to Barbed Wire Hearts, I've resumed my Amazon stalking which is silly because the god Amazon created sales graphs so that you would know if a book sold. At least I think that's how it works. It doesn't however tell you if a hundred have sold if they all happen to have sold in one day. Although, I can assure you that a hundred have not sold. That would be ridiculous.

Now onto the weekend...

Monday Madness

My contributor's copies of Barbed Wire Hearts arrived on Saturday morning. I was going to take a photograph and display them here for all to lust after but a) I was too lazy and b) the natural light faded so fast (and taking a photo with the overhead light on wouldn't display the books in all their glory. And trust me, they're glorious. The cover is to die for.) As well as being able to purchase the book at the Dark Fuse website (Limited Edition hardback and e-book) you can now also pick up the e-book at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

Two more reviews of Nowhere Hall (aka the book that just keeps giving) have crept online... The first from Joshua Reynolds (Her world is one of slippery construction, changing from one thing to the next in the blink of an eye or the turn of a page, with a dream-like haze that lulls the reader down false corridors into nightmare conclusions.) which you can read in full over at Innsmouth Free Press, and the second from Richard Baron (...is her ability to make unnatural events and characters seem as real as the very air we breathe, but this time she has added a layer of melancholy upon each page that is beautiful as it is heartbreaking) and you can read the review in its entirety on Richard's blog.

Next up, I've fallen back in love with my kindle. I suspect I only fell out of love with it because I read a couple of books that I wasn't keen on (or tried to read them) and blamed the kindle where I would normally blame the book. Anyway, Katey Hawthorne's (aka the awesome KV Taylor) book Equilibrium cured me of my kindle hate. I suspect my kindle might explode from the heat the book is generating. Ahem! Buy it.

And as a final note, PS Publishing is venturing into the world of chapbooks and their first release is Holding the Light  by Ramsey Campbell. There's a lovely comic book feel to the cover.

P.S. If you've bought Barbed Wire Hearts don't forget to enter my competition.

Barbed Wire Hearts - The Competition

First off - a mad happy dance that is slightly more scary than the book to your left.

Barbed Wire Hearts is now officially on sale -  hardcover and eBook - and can be purchased at DarkFuse.

Here be the blurb:

Eddie Stock's heart dislodges from his chest, drops to his bowels and dribbles down his thighs when the girl he likes laughs at him. Well the girl he likes and his entire school year. Finding himself in a forest, which has mysteriously sprouted about his town, Eddie meets a man named Ghoate.


Ghoate collects hearts. They hang from his ceiling and they rot within his jars. Ghoate also collects minions and it appears Eddie is his latest recruit.


Elsewhere in the forest, a dead girl is waking. Rose Lovering's heart wasn't strong enough to allow her to live and isn't weak enough to end this living death.


Can Rose help Eddie regain his heart and save their town? And, can Eddie save her?


And to celebrate the book's release I'm running a competition (well that'll make a change) where you could win...

THEATRE OF CURIOUS ACTS - ARC (book is due to be released December 2011)
NOWHERE HALL - one of the contributor's copies of my sold-out chapbook
THE BEST OF NECROTIC TISSUE ANTHOLOGY

And what do you have to do to win - buy Barbed Wire Hearts (hardback or ebook) and send me an email at catephoenix@gmail.com saying you'd like to win one of the above prizes. If you've already bought it - thank you - let me know so I can enter you in the competition. Unless of course you'd rather not have a chance to win an arc of Theatre (are you mad!) (note to self: do not abuse possible readers/entrants).

So a recap.

1. Buy Barbed Wire Hearts
2. Send an email to catephoenix@gmail.com saying you'd like to win one of the above prizes (and if you have a preference let me know - although if everyone wants the same prize it will be on a first, second and third basis - or if you already own one of the above let me know)
3. Closing date is December 1st 2011

Oh and Aaron Polson and Katey Taylor, you guys are already entered as a thank you for being Barbed Wire Hearts first readers - you rock.

Something Tattooed This Way Comes

This week I received my contributor's copies of Necrotic Tissue's Best of Anthology which contains my story The Scratch of an Old Record. Scratch was chosen as the best story in the July 2009 issue by the editor. This is the first ever Best of anthology one of my stories has appeared in.

Other authors include the freakin' awesome Natalie Sin (in fact, she has two stories in the Best of because she's quote 'freakin' awesome') and (possibly no less awesome) Nate Lambert, Doug Murano, David Tallerman, Daniel I Russell, Greg Hall, Jaelithe Ingold, Robert C Eccles, Zombie Zak and many, many more.

Look out for a competition appearing here shortly where you could win a copy of the above and perhaps* a very rare ARC of Theatre of Curious Acts which is due out just before Christmas and I will of course be weaving the competition around the release of Barbed Wire Hearts which is due out in less than 2 weeks.  Freak, freak, freak, freak, freak.

In other news, it was Bonfire Night last night and overnight someone stole into the garden, planted a firework in the grass and stole the yard brush. Weird, dude. Very, very weird.

*I say perhaps but I really mean definitely but warn the ARC may come with my hands attached because I'm finding it very hard to let go of.

At the Crossroads

Well I needed an excuse to post because I've been awfully lax of late and visiting the Delirium Books website gave me an excuse to. The full cover (ie including the back) is now on the website and it's perfect and gorgeous and perfect and here it is...

...how beautiful is that back cover? 

And you can read an excerpt on the Delirium Books/Dark Fuse page for Barbed Wire Hearts.

Did I say it is beautiful?

Doors & Bloody Hearts

My novella 'Barbed Wire Hearts' is now available to pre-order, and you can read an extract here. The limited edition hardcover will be published in November, and will also be available as an e-book. I believe there are only a small amount left available to buy.

In other news, my story 'Exit Stage Life' is tomorrow's Daily Science Fiction story and will be emailed to subscribers before being published on the website on the 29th September. The story is about a door that appears next to someone's desk and coincidentally...

At work, Office Services left a large door (okay, it had a cupboard attached to it) in front of my desk today. Gulp! I didn't open it. (I bet you're disappointed in me now).

And as it's Wednesday, I should mention my WIP - an icy tale called 'The Menagerie of Frozen Birds'. It's been kicking my ass but it's time for payback.

This may all be a dream...

The signature sheets for 'Barbed Wire Hearts' (Delirium Books, Nov 2011) arrived today, and the signature sheets for 'Nowhere Hall' (Spectral Press, any day now) should arrive tomorrow. I've pinched myself a dozen times. I'm sure it's a misprint or I'm trapped in a dream or some other such nonsense. This isn't real life.

In other news. Two more reviews of Nowhere Hall have appeared on the web...

Brilliant! I can honestly say I've never read anything quite like this before. It is original, thought provoking, and makes me crave her upcoming Delirium Books release... It is a layered and tightly woven chapbook that has more depth than many novellas I've read this year. You can read the full review by Jassen Bailey at The Crow's Caw.

Nowhere Hall struck me as a very intimate tale. The writer exposes Ron's emotional core, his inner most thoughts and feelings are laid bare...Spectral Press has delivered another classic tale. You can read the full review by Pablo Cheescake  at The Eloquent Page.

Thank you to both Jassen and Pablo for reading my wee story.

My short story 'His Name Carved on Empty Space' was due to be published at Every Day Fiction today but the site is moving servers so the story will (I believe) now be appearing in September, which is probably a good thing as I don't think I can take any more awesomeness today. Heck, I even got a free smellies set in work today.

Seriously, pinch me.

A Barbed Wire Hearts Cover

This is the cover of my novella forthcoming this November from Delirium Books

I think I'm in love.

The artist is Gak.

Oh my!

I'm Delirious (I must be)

I've felt a little delirious since yesterday evening because (drum roll please)...

Shane Ryan Staley of Delirium Books has accepted my novella 'Barbed Wire Hearts' for the Delirium Novella Series. It will be appearing in November 2011.

Someone pinch me.

WIP Wednesday - And Breathe....

I've finished editing my novella Barbed Wire Hearts for the moment. It's out for a beta read with two people who I am sure will tell me which parts are full of suckage or if the whole thing is full of suckage or if just I am full of suckage. I am almost blind from reading and rereading the story and although I'd swear there couldn't be a single typo, I bet there are some. Pesky blighters.

The market I wrote the novella for is closed until late summer/early fall, but I suspect I'll try somewhere else first. I have my eye on somewhere pretty and pretty impressive. Tie balloons to your arms and float as high as you possibly can (maybe I should work on this diet thing first or I'm gonna need an actual hot air balloon to lift me) and if an editor pops a balloon don't fret, climb onto a trampoline and you'll bounce right back up again.

Boing.

In other news, I found out today that my senior school has been knocked down. :( In its honour, I'll post two pictures of me (gasp, horror) from my school days...

I'm the second one along from the left (or is that right)... I'm the one holding the book.

I've only had my hair cut short once in my life and this was it. Freaky.

I wonder what we're reading. I wonder if it's something I've written. (Yeah, right)

Ooh, me all grown up... Or so I thought.

True fact: I still look like this*

Goodbye Sacred Heart building. Does this mean I'm getting old now? Or is there no getting about it...?

*in this photo.

March was the month....

...filled with spiders and hearts and icky things.

Monthly Word Count: 28,130 words
Yearly Word Count: 76,948 words
Best Day: 4,424 words
Worst Day: 103 words
Days Off: None
Acceptances: None
Rejections: Few, and those I did get, I'm holding onto the stories to do some rewrites.
Determination to Succeed: Tra La La La La

New Short Stories:-
None - totally obsessing over the novella

Things found lurking in the pages of the above: Spiders, mannequins, a stolen kiss, more spiders, a pyre of magazine's (the gentleman's kind), candy floss, coroner's stitches, hearts in jars, hearts in kidney shaped bowls, hearts in bodies, hearts not in bodies, hearts dribbling down thighs, even more spiders, love, and fear, and sorrow.

Current WIPs: Barbed Wire Hearts  - editing

Last line of March 2011:
THE END

Dead Line

I'm not here.

I hope.

There are a few deadlines for anthlogies/magazines looming that I promised myself I'd write for and I'm so far behind, I'm not even certain how many there are or if I'm too late for some. There's a mound of printed sheets on top of my printer--I see guidelines, interesting writing posts, I press print, I forget about them--and I need to get to.

I also need to bury myself in the Barbed Wire Heart edit and stop allowing distractions to lead me astray.

Normally, if I'm at home and manage to ignore twitter for an hour I call that a result. I'm aiming for a week's silence. It's going to be hard. I've turned off the comment section at the bottom of this post or I'll be tempted to come by and see if anyone's spoken and then I'll reply and in a heartbeat I'll be cruising along to twitter.

I've cleared my google reader of all but one post (that has a link to a short story I want to read and guidelines for a magazine I may be interested in submitting to), but otherwise, I've read everything, and commented where I had something to say. It'll be interesting (and fun) to see how full my google reader is when I return to the web. I think it'll have about 271 blog posts to read. If you fancy guessing how many blog posts you think my google reader will have amassed in my break (which may be 7 days, may be one hour or may even be a month--yeah right), then shoot me an email - catephoenix(at)gmail(dot)com and I'll send the person who gets the closest a prize on my return.

If you need me for anything, send me an email. I'll be checking my mailbox regularly (though, hopefully not too regularly :D)

Here I go...

I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles

My four-year-old nephew broke his dad's heart this week when he told him the cheapo bubble blower he received from a pre-school friend was the best present ever. You know after my brother had scoured the four corners of the flat earth for the present he really, really wanted.

I think we're all buying him cardboard boxes next year ;)

Finished the first draft of my novella, Barbed Wire Hearts, yesterday at 24,100 words. Hoping to bury my head in it today and next few days and get a decent portion of the next draft done. Of course, I may end up twittering as per usual but if you don't hear from me here, on twitter or on your blog, then I'm being a very good girl. Will make a change.

This was the month that...

...I wrote for me.

Monthly Word Count: 23,766 words
Yearly Word Count: 48,818 words
Best Day: 3,641 words
Worst Day: 50 words in theory, but it was an editing day so I'll go for... Friday 11th Feb and 237 words
Days Off: One (Niece & Nephews birthday - there was cake and Megamind and sword fighting)
Acceptances: 1
Rejections: We don't talk about Fight Club, erm I mean...
Determination to Succeed: Flatlined

New Short Stories:-
With Ghost Butterflies in her Hair (1800 words)
Of Wrecks, White Noise and Abandoned Beaches (1400 words)

Plus 17,623 words of Barbed Wire Hearts and 3,624 words of The Ghosts of Folding Time.

Things found lurking in the pages of the above: Driftwood, Ghost Butterflies, Sarcophagus, Blood Spiders, A Goatish man, Stolen Doughnuts, Grandfather Clocks, and a kiss.

Current WIPs: Barbed Wire Hearts (novella)

Last line of February 2011:
She rushed back to the counter, sprinkled sugar and wrote, 'I love you mum. I love you dad,' in its dust.