Do Not Adjust your Television Sets...

...or maybe that should be 'do not adjust your Kindle.

My story collection, Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits, is currently unavailable to buy as a Kindle eBook (and my publisher's other books have also been removed from Amazon - this also affects the 52 Stitches anthologies). I don't know the full details, but hopefully the situation will be rectified soon...and if not, Strange Men is still available as a paperback in both the US and UK stores.

And paperbacks are prettier anyway.

It was a shock to find the book had disappeared from the store (I thought it a glitch at first and obsessively checked Amazon waiting for it to reappear) and I guess this is a little how it feels when a book goes out of print. Of course, mine is just one little book whereas my publisher is dealing with losing quite a few titles (he must be frantic).

Meanwhile... back to the story that refuses to be.

(Never) Slept in Sunday

I am spending the day with dead people... We're destroying things and breaking hearts. We've also lost a sock. If found destroy it.

In other news, there's a lovely review of my story collection Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits over at Bloody Bookish. Thank to Mary Rajotte for that.

I ❤ Delivery People

Overnight I received an email from my publisher saying the Theatre hardbacks would be delivered today and after several seconds of twirling in my chair, I decided not to get too excited as UPS let us down when Eric sent the ARCs. But this time....

...in retrospect the delivery couldn't fail because the UPS man who brought it turned out to be my brilliant, wonderful UPS man from work - thankfully I'd changed from my pj's and sorta brushed my hair - who was on a different route for the day. Dude!

I think he's still confused that I opened the door (you know when you see someone out of their usual environment) and trying to figure out the garbage I gabbled at him for five minutes. Although he's used to my garbage. 

In other news, and proving that December is the most awesome month of all, I have a few links for you...

Theatre appears on Gef Fox's top five novellas of the year list and Strange Men appears in his top five anthologies/story collections. Bloody Hell.

At The Crow's Caw, the staff listed their favourite five books of the year and Nowhere Hall appears on Jassen Bailey's list and Theatre on Lee Thompson's list. Dudes!

Jennifer at The Book Den reviewed Theatre... "The mix of Gardner's intelligent prose and her dark, visual tale had my brain all delighted."

Philip Harris reviewed Strange Men over at Solitary Mindset... I love how he started his review... "There’s something wrong with Cate Gardner." True. True.

A bloody awesome review from Glynn James for Nowhere Hall... "Cate’s ability to describe the indescribable is exceptional here." ...and Alan Baxter reviews Nowhere Hall at his blog... "This is a beautiful story, haunting and powerful. It’s superbly written, with rich, stirring language and an excellent sense of place."


I think that's all the linkage. That has to be all the linkage because.... Bloody Hell! Any more goodness and I might explode. Okay, that could happen from the amount of Christmas chocolate we have in the house too... We have far, far, far too much.

Oh, wait... And apparently (news just in) if you read and liked Nowhere Hall and Strange Men you can vote for them in the This is Horror awards... Or If you've read Simon Bestwick's Angels of the Silences you can vote for that instead, which is what I'm going to do. :D Voting closes December 30th.

Some Theatrical Belly Flips

You may have witnessed a wee bit of butt-shaking excitement last night when I discovered that Theatre of Curious Acts (the hardback) is available to pre-order on Amazon (just the US site at the moment). Oh my!

The book will be available as a hardback, paperback, and ebook and they'll all be released (fingers crossed, things going to plan etc etc) on December 21st or thereabouts.

And there was more butt shaking this lunchtime when I read Pablo Cheesecake's review over at The Eloquent Page..."From the battlefields of Europe, to the end of the world, this novel is a seamless blend of physical and psychological horror that will leave a distinct impression..." It's a seriously awesome review. Me and my boys can battle anything now - dragons, war, death.


Theatre means so much to me - I love Barbed Wire Hearts and Strange Men but both those books had easy rides to publication (or at least that's how it felt - or rather, a magical ride) whereas poor Theatre often felt like the book that would never be until it landed on Hadley Rille's shores. Have I said how much I love the book. And my boys, especially Daniel & Swan and poor, poor Ken. Ken breaks my heart so don't you dare hate him (okay, you can if you want). Assuming you read their story that is. I hope you do. And if you do, let me know if you love Ken (and if you don't, it's all my fault and not his).

Goodreads - How do you score?

I'm a fan of Goodreads - you can find me here.

Goodreads is a great place to get exposure for your books by way of competitions and also to find new books to read. Although, it might be an idea to stay away from the Never-Ending Book Quiz because it quite frankly, never ends. So far I've answered 1448 questions (how sad is that). Anyway, this blog post isn't about time wasting quizzes or discovering what an extraordinary guesser you are, it's about how you score books on Goodreads.

I personally follow Goodreads own markers for each star ie

★  didn't like it
★★  it was okay
★★★  liked it
★★★★ really liked it
★★★★★ it was amazing

...seems sensible to me. When I'm considering buying a book, I tend to check the reviews on Goodreads rather than Amazon, first off checking if any of my friends have read it and what they thought, and I'm constantly surprised by potential readers comments to three star reviews (and I'm not talking about anyone who visits here - that I'm aware of :D), alot of folk seem to think a three star review means the book isn't worth picking up. In my world it is. It means I liked it. Sure, I'm not going to rave about the book like I would a book I awarded five stars too, but hell, I'd sure pick up the author's next book or something from their back catalogue.

Actually, I'm likely to pick up another book from an author whose book I only gave 2 stars too because I rarely like everything an author has written ie I gave Stephen King's Desperation ★★★★★ and Dreamcatcher ★.

So, I was curious, how do you score?

And in other news, another fabulous review of Strange Men has appeared online, this time in Morpheus Tales and by Brett Taylor. Here's an extract (you'll can read the full review over at Morpheus Tales - page 9.

So who is Cate Gardner? A dotty eccentric of the English countryside, roaming the garden in search of fairies and magic moths? Or only a clever young lady amusing herself with her flights of fancy? Either way, Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits and Other Curious Things is worth a look. It shows mixing whimsy and the bizarre can be a higher art than just rewriting old classics with zombie jokes.

Did you notice the word young?

An Electronic Goodnight

I've fallen out of love with my kindle.

I still appreciate it's good points, such as...

Reading it in bed. The kindle light (attached to it's fancy cover) means I can switch off the overhead light, so that when I'm feeling sleepy, I can put the kindle down and go to sleep, whereas before I had to get up and switch the bedroom light off and then I'd be awake again. I find it difficult to get to sleep.

It weighs the same no matter the size of the book making it ideal for my handbag. Although (because of the cover) a paperback is generally less trouble to carry.

And that is all. Maybe, I'm a bit thick (you don't say), but when I'm first reading a book I find myself turning to re-read the blurb about a dozen times. I swear no information stays in my brain for long, or I stop and stare at the cover, and I can't do that with the kindle. The book I'm currently reading on my kindle is.... Well, I can't say, because I've forgotten the title. It's one I downloaded on a whim and I can't remember what it's about and quite frankly, the text isn't helping the cause. I can't even figure out who the MC is with all the headhopping. No, that's not going to happen with every book, but still...

I much prefer paperbacks and hardbacks. When my kindle dies I may not replace it.

In other news, the fabulous Richard Baron left an awesome review of Strange Men on the Amazon UK site, and Gef Fox left one on the Amazon US site. Both on the paperback version. Because paperbacks rule.

A Seventies Disaster

Gef Fox is running a competition over at his blog and one of the prizes is my book Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits, which you can win along with Camille Alexa's Push of the Sky. And if you already have one or both of those books, he's also running another competition where you can win the anthologies 52 Stitches and Courting Morpheus. And if you have all those books on your shelf (I do), then erm... You are extra awesome (except in the case of me, because I'm in two of them).

Hope you're enjoying your weekend. I'm vegging out and watching old movies. Just watched Bell, Book and Candle with Jimmy Stewart and next up is Airport--I love disaster movies. I love old seventies disaster movies.

The 99 cent Plaster Fairy

...or things that occured at the weekend.

I frightened my four-year-old nephew. Not on purpose. He insisted I put another plaster around the three or four plasters he already had on his finger because he was frightened the other plasters would fall off and it would hurt. They're covering a week old papercut. I did so, but told him not to fret, that the Plaster Fairy would remove the plasters when he slept and that it wouldn't hurt. This sent him into hysterics. Warning to parents: don't leave a horror writer in charge of a child. In my defence, the Plaster Fairy tale sounded cute and not freaky in my head. I have been chastisted.

Finished the second draft of 'Barbed Wire Heart' and now I get to do the pretty editing phase. Told my mum, I'd finished (while rewarding myself with biscuits) and was again chastised with, 'What do you mean it's a novella not a novel? What the 'feck' use is that?'

Drew the winner of my Space & Time and Amazon voucher competition - Gary B Phillips - who subsequently decided to do a competition where three lucky souls can win the Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits ebook. How awesome is he...

And the final chastisement came via myself...

I procrastinated and read a bunch of blogs (and blog comments) about 99 cent ebooks. I'm aware that people I respect are anti selling a book for 99 cents (and there are also others who I respect who are pro 99 cent books) and that many think that pricing a book at 99 cents = crap and not worth their time. That bothers me, of course that bothers me. The last thing I want is people to make the assumption my book isn't worth their time--I need their time.

I've been lucky, Strange Men has gathered some fantastic reviews, but the fact is, I'm an unknown writer and selling story collections is hard even for the well established. So, when my publisher asked how much I wanted the ebook priced at (my publisher is so awesome, I get 100% of net electronic sales) I was torn. In the end, I decided on the lower price scale in the hope it would tempt folk to try the collection who may not have otherwise and having liked (she hopes) the book, they may be more willing to give my book 'Theatre of Curious Acts' a try when it is published later this year.

Of course, now I'm aware it has possibly put others off.

(I'll let you into a secret: I care what people think. I care too much and thus I chastise myself)

I'll admit, seeing Strange Men on Amazon.com at 99 cents doesn't bother me (I have had twinges of 'no one will buy the paperback' now, but I think one has sold since the ebook went live - don't laugh, each sale means the world to me), but seeing it at 70p on Amazon.co.uk does. Seventy pence. God, I am cheap. I cost as much as a Galaxy chocolate bar (but I last longer).

For an awesome, more eloquent post about the price of books check out Katey Taylor's blog. I love her analogy. It had me crying 'yes' and 'oh my god' and 'I'm the cheap bottle of wine' and 'but I've gotten drunk quite well on Lambrusco and Thunderbirds and my liver survived'.

Okay, back to writing or obsessing or both.

Space, Time and The Competition

Competition time.

My contributor copies of Space and Time arrived today. That's right--copies--which means I have a spare magazine to pass onto someone awesome (and it'll be signed by me) and I thought I'd throw in a $10 or £10 (depending which side of the Atlantic you're on) Amazon gift card so you can buy more books.

So what do you have to do to win...

Well, I figured since it's ebook week, you could maybe buy an ebook and then comment below saying you'd like to be entered in the competition. I'm not looking for proof you bought an ebook (I trust y'all). Just do it. Or perhaps you've already bought an ebook this week and in which case, consider yourself entered (but you still have to tell me in the comments so I know you're playing).

Here are some ebook buyage suggestions:

Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits - UK or USA
(Yes, that's my sly way of telling you my book is now available to read on the Kindle - I am made of evil things)

Some more ebook suggestions: (I LOVE these books)
The House Eaters by Aaron Polson - UK or USA
House of Fallen Trees by Gina Ranalli - UK or USA
Morning is Dead by Andersen Prunty - UK or USA

Or try something I have on my to read shelf (and to read file):
Amity by Jeremy D Brooks - UK or USA
The Masks of Our Fathers by Barry Napier - UK or USA
The Black Act by Louise Bohmer - UK or USA

Try a famous author:
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro  - UK or USA

...or a small press author:
Empire by David Dunwoody - UK or USA

...or an independent author:
Zombie Punter by Zoe E. Whitten - UK or USA

...or pre-order a book by a first time author:
Bad Taste in Boys by Carrie Harris - UK or USA

...or buy what I'm currently reading:
Tide of Souls by Simon Bestwick - UK or USA

Heck, just buy a book. Anybody's book because we're all in this together.


Competition closes midnight (your time), Friday 18th March 2011.

PS Forgot to say - even if I've mentioned your book, you can enter and if I haven't mentioned your book, please feel free to link to your book in the comment section (one time only offer).

Flying Saucer Eyes

Things that have happened this week...which is a strange sort of post for a Thursday, but then I'm an odd sort of gal.

Most important news first. There's an excellent review of my story collection, Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits, by Peter Tennant in the current issue of Black Static. I was so nervous about this review because it's a) Peter Tennant and b) Black Static and c) I'm nervous about every review.

Here's an excerpt from the review: ...is a smorgasbord of the surreal with strands of absurdity ripping through its core, each quirky story riffing on an internal logic with echoes of Monty Python at its most bizarre and informed by a delight in language that matches the exuberance of Bradbury at the height of his powers... There is an addictive quality to these stories, so that as soon as you finish one you want to rush on to the next...

You can read the rest of the review in Black Static. I shall have to secure my subscription copy behind glass when it arrives.

Next up... My story The Sound of Sharp Voices which appears in The Tangled Bank anthology is now available in print. The book originally appeared as an ebook last February and I'm really happy to be able to add the print version to my 'me' shelf. Yep, I have a me shelf. I guess my me shelf is an ego shelf and thus my ego is small.

And talking of Tangled... A Disney Store bag* freaked me out. It's one of those big numbers with a huge saucer eyed Rapunzel on the front and I'd left the darn thing hanging over the back of my door. It got dark. I hadn't drawn my blinds because I often don't. Something caught my eye in the window. EEK! For a millisecond I thought a giant eyed something was staring at me through the window. Thank god, I didn't pick up a Mickey Mouse bag.

*Note to concerned readers - the bag contains pressies for my talented niece and swashbuckling nephew and isn't a fashion accessory.

WIP Wednesday - There's an Ego-Sized Hole in my Ceiling

A couple of lines from my current WIP - With Ghost Butterflies in her Hair.

"Since the accident, the world as seen through her glasses appeared cockeyed. Aunt Jane said the world always looked that way to her and not to fuss..."

Which leads me into news of a delightful review of 'Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits' by Sheila M. Merritt over at Hellnotes.

Reading Cate Gardner’s short stories is like watching The Twilight Zone hosted by Franz Kafka, with adaptations by Lewis Carroll. This isn’t run of the mill writing. In the collection Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits and Other Curious Things, Gardner’s highly unusual fiction is displayed in all its bizarre glory. Calling her work odd is an understatement; it doesn’t do justice to her great imagination.  Read the rest of the review here.

Kate Shaw also reviewed Strange Men over at Skunk Cat Book Reviews.

Once I did pick it up, though, I devoured it utterly. The stories are quick-paced, varied, and full of the mischievous and odd characters that people Gardner's writing and make it so unique.

Thanks so much Kate (and Sheila).

Okay back to the sarcophagus and its concealed secrets.

Where's my Crown?

I'm playing the linkage queen today...

Simon Bestwick has kindly reviewed both Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits and me. Though I disagree, you would know if I walked by because of the spikes and the sparkle. It's an unusual combination.

Next up, look whose book is up at Amazon.com. Yep, Aaron Polson's Loathsome, Dark and Deep. Have you bought several copies yet? I am desperate to read the story. And while you're visiting the Amazon, how about Simon Bestwick's first trade paperback, Tide of Souls. I'm extra lucky, I have a signed copy.

And lastly, it's Nebula nominating time (and the Stokers and the British Fantasy Awards) and I've been seriously remiss in voting so far this year. I've nominated one book for the Stokers, and one short and a novella for a Nebula, and one short for the British Fantasy Awards. And I have a ton of things I need to read before the year is out. Kick up backside appreciated. Anyway, lots of people are listing what stories etc they have that are eligible for nomination including J Kathleen Cheney who is offering a digital copy of her novella, Iron Shoes, for consideration to members of the SFWA. I'm lucky enough to have a copy of Alembical 2 where the story appears and can highly recommend the story.

I think I'm all linked out...

Final NaNoWriMo word count tomorrow. Can you take the suspense?

Shimmering Velvet - A Strange Day Indeed

I've always loved Bonfire Night, and I especially love November 5th this year. Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits racked up two gorgeous reviews.

"This land may be called Wonderland or Nowhere, but whatever the name, Gardner maps it with careful, melancholy strokes..." Read the rest of the review by E. Catherine Tobler over at Shimmer. Yes, the Shimmer.

"Another gem of a book! Reading this book was like walking into a curio shop filled with wondrous treasures..."  Read the rest of the review over at VVB32 Reads.

NaNoWriMo catch up:

Today's Word Count: 2142 (go me!!!)
Total Word Count: 9007 / 523 (other projects)
Time Frame: Hello 24th Century, the Darling Girls have arrived

Googled: Weird Museums
Oops: Excessive swearing this session (in manuscript and without). My characters however have an excuse. They're sitting in a time-travelling submarine, the power has fizzled out and 'The Breaker' (freaking gigantic killer robot) is stomping about outside.
                                                  

I used to be a Clown



Do I have the coolest brother? Look what he sketched for me. Of course, having made its appearance at a family get-together, the poor Strange Man above suffered much ribbing. I mean... He's obviously lost a bit of weight recently, why else would he need to grip onto his pants?

Sorry, one needs to be evil to ones brother at least once a day - 'tis in the contract.

And to be fair, he'd already attacked me. Observe...

Bro: Read one of your stories online... Strange Tooth. Impressed. Reminded me of a Twilight Zone episode.

Me: Wow, you actually read one of my stories. (Jaw flaps open).

Bro: I thought, she's good and then I read another one (shan't mention here to save the story's blushes) about (blah) and (blah).

Mum: Have I read that one?

Bro: Wouldn't bother, Mum. I mean WTF!!!

Still, I'll begrudgingly add, he can draw and I cannot.

I see Red Things

This is my weekend. This pretty pile of paper. Draft two of a story with ugly sentences in red and notes on things to fix in the margins. By the end of Sunday, I want to have almost no red and most of the comment boxes deleted.

I need this story out the door by next week so I can concentrate on finalising my NaNoWriMo plans. Walter (my dictaphone) is also holding three stories for me--one most definitely pants, one WTF, and one shiver-down-my-spine-creepy. I'd also like to edit one or two of the stories on my jingle bell line before hibernating in my new book. Ooh, new book. Excited now. Excited is so much better than overwhelmed.

In pretty news, Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits is now available to buy at Amazon.com - treble the excitement. I expect to be a millionaire by next week. In the ranking sense that is. My book's rank started (okay, first time I checked in) at 97,677, and has steadily dropped to 153,853 during the day. Boy, those guys sell a lot of books. That's 60,000ish shifted in about 7 hours. Bloody hell. Of course, I might be getting the math totally wrong, but still, they're mega busy and that's good for us right. People are buying books. Now I need to torture people into buying mine.

Something is wrong with that last sentence.

National Novel Pantsing Month

Three weeks to go and already I'm hyperventalating.

Okay, maybe only a little. But I was so cocky in August when I decided I was going to do NaNoWriMo this year and I was already working on my plan and now it's almost here and....argh!!!

So much to do between now and then, and one of them is a spectaular book trailer for Strange Men... We may remove the word spectacular once it's done. In fact, we will definitely remove the tag once it's done. I think my boys should dress up in their wedding suits and allow me to draw chalk lines down the fabric and take photographs of them in ridiculous poses. Okay, back to my box of old photographs so that I can abuse long-dead relatives instead.

A Bowler Hat full of Awesomeness

I've known about this for some time, but I'm ecstastic to announce that Nathaniel Lambert (author of Sideshow PI: The Devil's Garden, It's Okay to be a Zombie, and the forthcoming The Horribles) has written the introduction for Strange Men in Pinstripe Suits.

It is awesome.

He is also awesome - though most of you possibly already know that.

In other news, I'm struggling with my mailbox man story. It's weaving delightful images in my head but they're not transferring into a workable, non blah plot. Here's the only extract that works...

"Sir, spiders are crawling from your bowler hat, so I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to leave."

"You can ask," he said. "And yes, you're right to be afraid."

I'm going to let it rest and wait until my heart is desperate to write it. In the meantime, I'm editing my dissolving girl story, only it turns out she doesn't quite dissolve.

Beware: 70s Disco Dancing Likely

I originally posted this picture on my twitter account, but evil twitpic went all screwy on me. Thus, I am reposting it here. Plus I need an excuse to blog something pretty.

The fabulous David A Riley, of the British Fantasy Society, included a blurb about 'Strange Men' in the members news section of the lastest issue of Prism (British Fantasy Society Newsletter).

Cue, happy dance.

Sparkling Contests

Some pretty contests for you today.

First off a Strange Men contest. Sorry Gef, but sometimes you have to put yourself first (even if your contest is cooler than mine).

Prize: Triangulation: End of the Rainbow anthology, which features my story The Meaning of Yellow, along with stories by Aaron Polson, Eugie Foster, Marshall Payne, Jamie Lee Moyer, Cat Rambo, Brenta Blevins, Mark Onspaugh and others.

Pretty Picture of Prize

Rules: send an email to me at catephoenix(at)gmail(dot)com (subject line: Rainbow Contest) by midnight Saturday 25th September (your time) for a chance to win a copy.

For every twenty-three entries, I'll give away one copy.

How to enter multiple times:

1. One entry = email me as above
2. Two entries = email me as above and Twitter a link to the competition (let me know you've twittered by either including @categardner in tweet or by mentioning in your email). *Alternatively, if you don't have a twitter account, you can blog about the competition.
3. Three entries = email me as above and pre-order Strange Men (let me know you've pre-ordered the book in your email - and this is open to anyone who has already pre-ordered plus any new orders, but you have to let me know - sorry.)
4. Four entries = email as above, pre-order Strange Men and twitter or blog a link.

The book will be dispatched by Amazon.com or .co.uk.

***

Now onto Gef's contest and an opportunity to win five books:

The Black Act by Louise Bohmer / Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill / Vlad: The Last Confession by C.C. Humphreys / Audrey's Door by Sarah Langan / Red-Headed Stepchild by Jaye Wells.

Gef's contest is only open to residents of America or Canada.

I see Pinstripes

You've possibly already seen my link via twitter, but Strange Men has notched another review in its starched pants. This one is by Joshua Reynolds. I think I yelped when Google sent me an email link to the review and I possibly didn't breathe until I'd read every single word. As I said last week on Simon Marshall Jones' blog, 'Reviews are scary.' They're also kind of awesome. Many thanks to Joshua for such a delightful review.

And talking of pinstripe suits...

I saw a strange little man wearing one yesterday. To be fair, he may only have been strange in my imagination. He was brushing up outside a tobacconists in the city centre, was about nineteen or twenty, most definitely overdressed in his pinstriped suit (which looked slightly too big). His colleagues were wearing jeans and t-shirts. He looked so tired and weary as if he'd worked there for years or as if he knew he'd be there forever, sweeping that same street. A Groundhog Day ghost in a world that kept moving about him.

Or he could have just been hungover and gone to work straight from a wedding. But there's no oddness to be weaved from that.