A Week in the Life of a Writer of Weird: The Comeback

Rediscovered how much I love writing and how much I hate eBay. I had a feeling that diverting my attention elsewhere would bring my want to write to the boil. Normal service has resumed. Although, I'd quite like to slip into abnormal service and avoid the glorious distractions of the internet. I'd also like to be able to do that without employing my pal Freedom--not that I've employed him this week. Oops! And wait, who knew Freedom was a man.

Oh for the glory days of my old FontWriter. But, oh man, I would not want to go back to the days of using a typewriter. Actually, I wouldn't really like to go back to no internet and no you guys, and I've made a wealth of new friends this week because….

Putting my email address (competition post) without adding the (at) (dot) business has of course led me to enjoy a wealth of spam. Note to spammers: I'm a writer. Writers don't have any money.

And further news on the contest: To all the Entrants, you are wonderful. Thank you all. And a special extra thank you for buying my little Barbed Wire Hearts and joining in my joy. I have a pretty little hardback book--squee.

I bought myself two glorious handbags this week thanks to a colleague--said through gritted teeth while battling the moths that escaped my purse--who told me about an awesome sale at my favourite store. Is it odd that I bought one of the handbags because it coordinates with my new book? Thought so.

Bring on the handbag spammers.

Thanks to Barbed Wire Hearts, I've resumed my Amazon stalking which is silly because the god Amazon created sales graphs so that you would know if a book sold. At least I think that's how it works. It doesn't however tell you if a hundred have sold if they all happen to have sold in one day. Although, I can assure you that a hundred have not sold. That would be ridiculous.

Now onto the weekend...

Something Tattooed This Way Comes

This week I received my contributor's copies of Necrotic Tissue's Best of Anthology which contains my story The Scratch of an Old Record. Scratch was chosen as the best story in the July 2009 issue by the editor. This is the first ever Best of anthology one of my stories has appeared in.

Other authors include the freakin' awesome Natalie Sin (in fact, she has two stories in the Best of because she's quote 'freakin' awesome') and (possibly no less awesome) Nate Lambert, Doug Murano, David Tallerman, Daniel I Russell, Greg Hall, Jaelithe Ingold, Robert C Eccles, Zombie Zak and many, many more.

Look out for a competition appearing here shortly where you could win a copy of the above and perhaps* a very rare ARC of Theatre of Curious Acts which is due out just before Christmas and I will of course be weaving the competition around the release of Barbed Wire Hearts which is due out in less than 2 weeks.  Freak, freak, freak, freak, freak.

In other news, it was Bonfire Night last night and overnight someone stole into the garden, planted a firework in the grass and stole the yard brush. Weird, dude. Very, very weird.

*I say perhaps but I really mean definitely but warn the ARC may come with my hands attached because I'm finding it very hard to let go of.

The Results

Thank you to everyone who entered my Nowhere Hall competition (and who bought the book). The winners are as follows:

Competition One:
A Spectral Press chapbook subscription goes to Katie Stubbs.

Competition Two:
Number one of my limited edition chapbook Nowhere Hall goes to Ray Cluley.

The Spectral Competition

First off, look at my slightly updated cover and its blurb by Simon Bestwick. Not that I'm showing off or anything. You can read an interview with Simon at the Ginger Nuts website.

Now onto the almost as important bit... The competition. Or rather two competitions. One for those who bought Nowhere Hall and one for those who didn't (because I don't like to leave anyone out).

Competition One

As a thank you to everyone who snagged a copy of Nowhere Hall before it sold out, I'm offering the following prize:

A Spectral Press chapbook subscription, which will include the following books:

King Death by Paul Finch (released Dec 2011)
Rough Music by Simon Kurt Unsworth (released March 2012)
The Eyes of Water by Alison J Littlewood (released June 2012)
What Gets Left Behind by Mark West (released September 2012)

...all will be signed by the respective authors.

Competition Two:

And for those who missed out on a copy of Nowhere Hall because they sold so darn fast (what happened?), I am running a competition that is open to all.

As you may or may not know, Nowhere Hall is a limited edition of 100 and each copy will be signed and numbered. I'll be giving away number one with a special inscription by me but no doodles. I can't doodle.

So how do you enter? Send an email to catephoenix(at)gmail(dot)com saying if you are entering Competion One, Competition Two, or both and you're entered.

Closing date is midnight July 14th and prizes will be despatched at time of publication.

Sparkling Contests

Some pretty contests for you today.

First off a Strange Men contest. Sorry Gef, but sometimes you have to put yourself first (even if your contest is cooler than mine).

Prize: Triangulation: End of the Rainbow anthology, which features my story The Meaning of Yellow, along with stories by Aaron Polson, Eugie Foster, Marshall Payne, Jamie Lee Moyer, Cat Rambo, Brenta Blevins, Mark Onspaugh and others.

Pretty Picture of Prize

Rules: send an email to me at catephoenix(at)gmail(dot)com (subject line: Rainbow Contest) by midnight Saturday 25th September (your time) for a chance to win a copy.

For every twenty-three entries, I'll give away one copy.

How to enter multiple times:

1. One entry = email me as above
2. Two entries = email me as above and Twitter a link to the competition (let me know you've twittered by either including @categardner in tweet or by mentioning in your email). *Alternatively, if you don't have a twitter account, you can blog about the competition.
3. Three entries = email me as above and pre-order Strange Men (let me know you've pre-ordered the book in your email - and this is open to anyone who has already pre-ordered plus any new orders, but you have to let me know - sorry.)
4. Four entries = email as above, pre-order Strange Men and twitter or blog a link.

The book will be dispatched by Amazon.com or .co.uk.

***

Now onto Gef's contest and an opportunity to win five books:

The Black Act by Louise Bohmer / Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill / Vlad: The Last Confession by C.C. Humphreys / Audrey's Door by Sarah Langan / Red-Headed Stepchild by Jaye Wells.

Gef's contest is only open to residents of America or Canada.

Trench Foot - The Results

Thank you to everyone who read Trench Foot over at Fantasy Magazine last week. Now comes the moment you've all been waiting for. The results of the competition which ran both on blogger and livejournal and I'm pleased to say we have winners from both blogs.

The two first prize winners who will receive lots of pirate and fairy goodies, a signed thank you note from me, and will also get to choose between the following books: Alex and the Wigpowder Treasure by Adrienne Kress (or if you're in the US, Alex and the Ironic Gentleman - same book), or Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr, or Wondrous Strange by Lesley Livingston are:

Jamie Eyberg & Katey Taylor

The second prize winner is: Bernie Mojzes

The third prize winner is: Mike Stone

Can the winners please email their address to (removing the spaces) firemaiden @ blueyonder (dot) co (dot) uk, and can Jamie and Katey please tell me which of the above books you would like or if you'd prefer an Amazon Gift Card to choose something else.

Trench Foot 2 - The Competition

To celebrate the publication of my first pro-rate accepted story, I'm running a pirates and fairies competition. It was going to be a comp to celebrate my first pro-rate publication but my story in Necrotic Tissue beat this one by a few weeks - life is so hard. :)

So what do you have to do to enter. Head over to Fantasy Magazine and read my story Trench Foot, leave a comment on the story page (doesn't have to be gushing, even hate will be accepted as an entry but beware, I will be asking for your address if you win), and then come back here to tell me you've entered.

Now for the important part - the prizes.

There will be 2 first prize winners, who will receive goody bags containing the above which includes: Inflatable Parrot, Pirate Flag, Pirate Tattoos, Fairy Tattoos, Pirate Mask, Pirate Stickers & Pirate Pencil, 2 Fairy Bookmarks, and a real pirate (shown to scale).

You also get to choose one of the following books, which I will have Amazon ship directly to your door: Alex and the Wigpowder Treasure by Adrienne Kress (or if you're in the US, Alex and the Ironic Gentleman - same book), or Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr, or Wondrous Strange by Lesley Livingston. Yep that's books with fairies and pirates in.

The 2 first prize winners will also receive one of the below cards with a note from me thanking them for supporting my story. I know, you just want the card. Breathe.

The second prize winner will receive: Inflatable parrot, Pirate Stickers & Pirate Pencil, Fairy Bookmark, Fairy Tattoos, Pirate Tattoos and a Pirate Mask.

The third prize winner will receive: Inflatable Parrot, Pirate Stickers, Pirate Tattoos and Fairy Tattoos.

Competition closes midnight Monday July 19th. Good luck and thank you for entering.

ScaryCircusActs results

The Wolf Dude has some words for you all. He would first like to announce the winners and then he would like to threaten thank the rest of you for trying to persuade him not to run off and join the circus. He understands now that circuses are evil places.

First Place: Aaron Polson for his 'Living Carousel'.

Aaron wins a copy of Malpractice and a signed novella from PS Publishing - 'The Cosmology of the Wider World' by Jeffrey Ford with an introduction by Jeff VanderMeer.

The idea of having a pole jammed up his butt sent the Wolf Dude screaming out of the study. He threw his suitcase out of the window and hid under the bed. Adding to the horror was the idea that my niece and nephew would sit on his back - they scare him.

Second Place: Jamie Eyberg for his 'Poodle Act'.

Jamie wins a copy of Malpractice.

Wolf Dude hates poodles, in fact he hates pampered pooches of every description. And he wouldn't be seen stuffed in pink. He could have coped with a lime green tutu as that is Luna's favourite colour.

Booby Prize: Katey Taylor's name was picked out of the hat.

She wins a used copy of Neil Shushterman's 'Unwind' (you're going to love it), and a signed novella from PS Publishing - 'Fishin with Grandma Matchie' by Steven Erikson with an introduction by Graham Joyce.


Can all the winners please send their address to me at firemaiden (at) blueyonder (dot) co (dot) uk.

Now a special thank you from the Wolf Dude for most of the losers...

Natalie, thank you for making me laugh. You are cordially invited to tea and a slumber party on June 12th at a secret location.

Silver bullets, Jeremy? I'm going to find out where you live.

My brain doesn't work too well anyway, Danielle, so losing bits of it is no bad thing. I almost ran off to join the Freaktaculars there and then.

Brendan, I've never seen that movie, but from the clips Cate showed me on You Tube, I will have to rent it sometime.

Kim, I always wondered where the Woodsman was hiding. Thanks for showing me his axe act, I'll have to visit him sometime.

Thanks for the suggestion Barry, I could do with a shave.

So Katey, you know Madame Aconitum too. Is she still as cute?

Justin - ouch! You came in a close third.

Thomas, Luna was a bearded lady. Sob! Thanks for reminding me that she's gone. Sob! Sob! Sob!

And don't forget. If you didn't win you can still purchase a copy of Malpractice, or take out a Necrotic Tissue subcription at the Necrotic Tissue store. And if you are feeling inspired by circuses, why not write something for Sideshow Fables.

The Wolf Dude Presents

The Wolf Dude and I have a competition for you. He has decided he wants to form a band - despite being unable to sing (shush! I never said that) - and he would like you all to choose a suitable name for that band. Now of course we wouldn't expect you to do that for nothing so we are offering a few prizes for the winners.


First prize:

The WolfSongs Volume 1 anthology which is edited by MH Bonham and includes my story 'The Graveyard of Dead Vehicles'.

The Sand: Strange Tales anthology edited by Edward Lupak (cover art by Aaron Polson) and including my story 'Through the Warped Eye of Death'.




Second Prize:

Wolfsongs Volume 1 anthology








Third Prize:

Sand: Strange Tales anthology










Here are the rules and other bits and bobs:

1. Leave a comment stating the name you think the Wolf Dude should give his band.
2. Competition is open from now until Midnight Saturday 13th December 2008 GMT.
3. You can enter as many times as you like.
4. The winners will be chosen by two teenagers, my mother and a three year old who prefers princesses and hates the Wolf Dude - I will have nothing to do with the judging process.
5. Check back on Sunday 14th/Monday 15th when I will be posting the names of the winners along with my email address so that you can contact me re receiving your prizes.

Add another one to the list...

Apex Digest have announced the below Halloween Contest.

This year’s theme is: ELECTION HORROR

Guidelines:Your story must incorporate the theme of ELECTION HORROR.
Word count maximum is 1,000.
Your story must have first rights available.
Submit your story to halloween@apexdigest.com.
Submissions are open NOW.
Deadline is 11:59 PM, October 15th, EST.

This year’s celebrity judge is noted SF author Jay Lake!

Winner receives payment of 10 cents per word and publication in Apex Digest Online.
Second place receives payment of 5 cents per word and publication in Apex Digest Online.
Third place receives a free Apex Book Company hardcover.
Fourth place receives a free Apex Book Company trade paperback.
Winning and second place story will be published on November 4th (election day).
Good luck and have fun writing some election horror!

Weeeee! Mushroom Men & Space Squid

How's this for a weird and yet wonderful competition:

SPACE SQUID, the Sci-Fi Humour magazine, in associated with GamecockMedia.com and RevolutionSF.com, have announced a competition.

THE MUSHROOM MEN FICTION CONTEST.

A free writing contest where the first prize is a free Wii game console and a copy of the new Wii video game Mushroom Men!

Other prizes include Les Claypool Mushroom Men rock posters, Mushroom Men baseball caps, trading cards with sweepstakes codes, Mushroom Men squeezy toys, and copies of Mushroom Men for the Wii and for the Nintendo DS. Runner-up stories will appear on the fiction page of RevolutionSF.com and in a special supplementary issue that will be seen by hundreds of people at gaming events like the Penny Arcade Expo.

The first-prize story will appear in the supplementary issue, RevolutionSF.com, Space Squid issue #6, and may appear as promotional material for the game elsewhere. Now that is some prize!

The closing date is August 1st, 2008 and your story should be between 500 & 1500 words. More details can be found at the Space Squid site.

Halloween Contest

I thought the following may be of interest to many of you. Darwin's Evolutions magazine, or as they put it 'Journal of Speculative Fiction' is running a Halloween short story contest with a difference. That is, it's not for HORROR stories. Interesting. The following is a direct quote from their guidelines:

This is not a "Horror" genre contest. Rather, we are looking for the most creative stories that brush the established tropes of science fiction and fantasy against the "creepy" side of the questions of the spirit realm and life after death. Horrific aspects may or may not be present but the key is to tell tales that carry the "feel" of Halloween with them.

The word limit is 7,500 words and you (and I) have until July 1st to get something to them. First prize is $100.

Inspiring Red Bull Competition

Okay, so there I am having fun retyping all my novels, procrastinating a heck of a lot, when I came across news of this fun 'write a tall story' competition run by Red Bull, the 'gives you wings' people. Seems like a novel way (or rather a 'how to put off writing the novel way') to fill a dull Sunday afternoon.

Good luck to anyone who enters... My entry (which is not on the site yet, but which should be hopefully sometime today/tomorrow) is titled 'Ho-Ho-Oh!'

Oh and it's UK entry only...