Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Quackers

I notice that some writers put their biography up on their site/blogs, and I believe the time has come to add mine:

Catherine J Gardner writes stories about ducks.

Now for the history regarding my new bio. Yesterday morning on my way into work, two ducks were waddling ahead of me. I don't walk very fast, and I'm not good at overtaking - ask my ex. driving instructor. Anyhow, I knew instinctively that they wanted me to write a story about them. Being of sound mind and almost-sound body, I ignored the duck call and went about my business.

Then we arrive at this morning. The postman was late, and I was bored, bored, bored. I was 272 words into a story for the Triangulation: Dark Glass anthology, but it wasn't going the way I'd hoped. I needed something to fill the boredom so I started something titled 'A Distorted Picture Book' - and it's about--(do we need the drum roll)--two ducks. At first I was taking the whole picture book idea semi-seriously, however the first line changed all that...

Feather was having nightmares again and it was all Bill's fault. He had told her of a place where men screwed hooks into ducks' backs.

I'm already banned from reading Neil Gaiman's 'Wolves in the Walls' to my niece, so I guess I should pre-ban my duck story.

Anyway, the moral of this story is. I spent half the day writing an 841 word story that I won't actually send anywhere, so next time I complain that there isn't enough time in the day to work on my book/s feel free to shout 'ducks'. I deserve the admonishment.


Oh and don't forget the Wolf Dude still needs help. The competition to win fabulous prizes is open until midnight Friday.

18 comments:

Josh Reynolds said...

Y'know...sometimes a person just NEEDS to write about waterfowl. There's no shame in it. Walt Disney did it. Beatrix Potter, too.

Of course, their stories never involved avian mutilation...

Catherine J Gardner said...

I'm afraid word is going to get out about my story and the two ducks are going to be chasing not waddling tomorrow morning.

Jamie Eyberg said...

Have you ever read any of Jon Sciezca's books (I know i just spelled that wrong) He wrote stories in which the entire cast was splatted. Fun to read.

Catherine J Gardner said...

I'm always open to book recommendations. Thanks, Jamie.

Oh, and I think you spelt it write because I found him on a Puffin Books site.

Jamie Eyberg said...

the books I am referring to are 'The true story of the three little pigs: by A. Wolf' and 'The Stinky Cheese Man and other Fairly Stupid Tales'. both good fun.

Brenda said...

Well...now you have that out of your system and you can continue on as if nothing ever happened...grin...

Danielle Ferries said...

Surely there's a home somewhere for Feather and Bill.

Aaron Polson said...

Ducks? Ducks are wonderful.

Sometimes one needs to write for no intended purpose...get it out of the system.

BT said...

Okay - jealous now.

Not of the ducks, ducks should be written about on occasion and mutilated on others - sometimes eaten as well...mmm, ducks.

Sorry - Homer moment there.

I'm jealous that you are only now starting your submission to Dark Glass. You'll knock it off in next to no time, it will be wonderful and you'll send it in to await your acceptance.

Me - I started writing my submission ages ago, slaved over it for weeks, required input from multiple other sources and will probably end up with a polite rejection to what I think is some of my best work to date.

Paint me green.

Think I'll have Thai for dinner tonight, just to make me feel better.

;c)

BT said...

Browsing around my feed list and just couldn't pass this up:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0747583692?ie=UTF8&tag=howpubreawor-21&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=0747583692

Natalie L. Sin said...

Well sure, but the hook goes into delicious CRISPY ducks. As long as Feather doesn't let himself get crispy, he should be fine.

Catherine J Gardner said...

Brenda, unless I go Quackers again today.

Danielle, you would think so. I think the writing world is Duckist.

Aaron, I agree. And also, to fill the boredom.

BT, as of this moment I've decided I probably won't write the 'Dark Glass' story. Of course, on March 31st I'll probably decide that I need to write something and will hastily write the worst thing ever and my rejection will be nasty.

Natalie, I hate to admit it but Feather was heading towards crispyness by the end.

Kim Kasch said...

This post made me think of a game I used to play with the kids when they were little: Duck, Duck . . . Goose.

Don't know if you have that in the UK.

K.C. Shaw said...

Sometimes you just have to write about ducks. Although now that I think about it, I don't believe I ever have.

No, NO, I will NOT be sucked into writing about DUCKS!

Catherine J Gardner said...

Kim, I've never heard of it, but I guess I am obliged to play it now. :)

KC, you can't ignore the lure of the ducks no matter how hard you try.

katey said...

HAHAHA Ducks... oh I would love to read it. Even if it does end in crispiness. Or maybe because it ends in crispiness, actually.

Catherine J Gardner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Catherine J Gardner said...

You wouldn't respect me in the morning. :)