Tuesday 3 December 2013


Wheeze is wheezing. He was trying to fix (as in 'so it would collapse') HER MAJESTY'S exercise bike when she bounced into the room and DECLARED she was going to do twenty-five minutes on the bike. More like a gasping three minutes that left her WHEEZING more than poor Wheeze does on a FARTYLICIOUS day.

Wheeze had no time to escape and, having stooped to close to the pedal, her pukesome bunny slippers grabbed hold of Wheeze's left ear and sent him spinning alongside her ladyship's left foot. 

Her highness' feet STINK. We didn't need Wheeze to tell us this. 

We don't think he'll ever breathe again. He probably doesn't want to breathe again.

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