Today I welcome Anthony J Rapino onto my blog. Anthony has just released a short story collection, Welcome to Moon Hill. His first novel, Soundtrack to the End of the World, is forthcoming from Bad Moon Books. As you're about to discover, Anthony rocks on the healthy side of weird. We like weird here...
(note: although I have albums full of funny face photos there was no way they were being unleashed on the internet ;)
All glory to Cate Gardner, the high priestess of weird. And thank you for helping celebrate the release of my new horror collection, Welcome to Moon Hill. You will be greatly rewarded when we defeat all social norms and establish the
. Peculiar Church
It may also interest all you fantastic people that to celebrate Valentine’s Day being over, I’m giving away my collection for free, for only 24 hours.
As you may or may not be aware, I’m on a quest to destroy all normalcy in the universe, but it’s not going well.
My first order of business was to establish the Schizo Squad (part fan page, part street team, part conformity destroyer). Once done, I introduced the “Funny Face Challenge,” wherein members were asked to post weird, funny, crazy pictures of their faces (for a prize).
You can see up my nostrils!
There were two entries.
What I failed to take into consideration is that most people don’t want to make fools of themselves, even if it is for the greater good...and a prize. The next challenge asked for a simple post of the strangest things members could find (pictures, videos, whatever). Again, I was met with failure.
Why does no one want to ride my coffee-fueled insanity rocket? This question required much thought, so I retired to my contemplation balloon. Drifting
1,000 feet in the air, I looked down at the tiny world below and did the first thing I always do when I’m in my hot air balloon.
I spit and watched it fall. Oh beauty, oh wonder! Next I had a ham sandwich and a bubbly drink. I waved hello to a gaggle of geese, a murder of crows, and an unkindness of ravens. Then I pretended to be Winnie the Pooh. “Think, think, think.”
! Brilliance! Eureka
The prizes, of course. Had I offered a $100 Amazon gift card, the contest entries would pour in. It was so simple.
I promptly jumped from my hot air balloon and wafted down to Earth on conveniently placed gusts of wind, blasting the occasional fart when a course correction was required. Upon touchdown I made my way directly to the bank, fully intending to withdraw a crisp hundy to purchase the aforementioned gift card. What had briefly escaped my mind is that I am a writer, and therefore quite poor. In fact, it only then occurred to me I don’t even have a bank account.
The security guard was not kind.
Of course, the moral of this story is that it’s perfectly appropriate to fart when there are only birds in the immediate vicinity. Or else, the moral is don’t be a writer, because you’ll end up getting kicked out of banks. Wait...that doesn’t seem right.
Back to the contemplation balloon I go.
Spit, ham sandwich, crows, think, think, think, eureka, look out below!
Right. The moral of this story is that you should join my Schizo Squad and help me take over the world. (Also, if you invite me to write a guest post, be prepared for hate mail).
If you’d like to help me defeat all normalcy left in the universe, join my Schizo Squad.
Moon Hill is a forgotten place that few purposely visit, and even less leave. Once you arrive, the deep dark of the forest creeps into your mind and will not relent. Strange flowers that grow from deer carcasses, murderous lunatics, talking ravens, wriggling parasites that induce eruptive confessions, and demons of every variety: they all live here too.
Even so, the residents of Moon Hill can feel, beyond the fear and distress, that this land is special and they are lucky to live here. Most everyone feels that way right up until the day they come a little too close to the magic of this place. When dusk's light leaks through their carefully locked doors and rips holes in their minds.
Then, they pray for release.
--Welcome to Moon Hill.